I'm not always sweet

Where he hides when he's scared

Sometimes I feel like my silly humans don't take me seriously as a threat to them.  They don't fear and respect me as the dangerous huntress I am.  On occasion I like to set up little displays to show off my abilities. One of those abilities is when I tackle my brother, showing them I can take down an animal almost twice my size.  Or when I scratch at the legs of the table or walls and make scratch marks, showing how sharp my claws are.  Mom and dad always tell me to stop, like they control me, and have no appreciation for the deadly display I'm putting on.

Sometimes I see my father on the computer in the bedroom, right near the bed. So today, as I've done a few times before, I made a show of attacking the sheets on the bed.  I like to use the sheets since they are soft, won't break my claws, and the bed lets me jump around easier and be more agile.  The sheets also give a certain flare when I really get into my attacks, and they waft around as I fling them.  All my father did was take pictures and tell me how cute I was.  God Dammit! I am DEADLY!  I have 5 claws on each paw, and I can shank you.  How do they not get it? I'm not cute, I'm assassinating these sheets. He should be frightened.  This is where he is sleeping at night and I'm going nuts on these sheets.  Will he never get the message?   I swear one of these days I'm going to get him, show him I'm deadly, then those humans will take me more seriously.  I think I'm just going to have to up the game of running under his feet more when he's walking around.  I'll get him to break his ankle next time he's rushing to get ready for work.   I'll just keep walking right under his feet until he falls.  Then I'm gonna pounce on his head...that'll teach him.

Fierce Face!  

Naps are the best

I know I complain about my humans sometimes.  My mom’s pretty cool and my dad is completely dense, not quite as bad as Marty but they are humans.  They occasionally do get some things right, like nap time.  As a cat I love naps, all cats do.  Hence the word cat naps.  My dad understands this, and I think it is because he is a fellow napper, one of the few things I admire about him.  In my house, my options for where I sleep are unlimited.  I have two couches, a huge bed with lots of pillows and sheets, and even a couple of carpeted cat trees.  However, I won’t sleep on those.  My favorite places in the house to sleep are the laundry hampers and the bathroom sink.

My humans have two laundry hampers, and I love to jump in and snuggle on the pile of clothes.  It’s a great place to sleep, soft and cushy, especially when the clothes are fresh and warm.  The humans tend to get upset when I sleep on the clean and warm clothes.  I figure if they don’t want me sleeping on the clothes, they shouldn't leave them in the hamper where they know I like to nap.  The other thing I like about the hampers, they are in the closet where it’s dark and Marty doesn't bother me.  

My other favorite spot to nap is the bathroom sink.  The second sink in the bathroom was used by the last female human my dad lived with, but when she left, I took the sink over. By itself it’s too cold and hard to be comfortable but dad has a habit of leaving a small towel or shirt in it to soften it up for me.  I can curl up in the round sink, and it’s the perfect fit to hold me while I nap.  It makes me nervous being under a water faucet, but I think dad knows if he ever turned it on when I was in the sink, he’d need to watch his back.  I would have Marty assassinate him in his sleep that night.  He knows I control Marty and can turn mommy against him.  The sink is in the bathroom is also a Marty free zone.  

When the sink or hampers get old, I still have a big bed and two couches.  I also have the cushioned kitchen chairs and a window sill to nap in.  Nap time is the only thing my humans get right.  I only run into a problem when daddy takes my spot on the couch, then I have to bite and claw his toes to get him to get out of my territory.  

Feeding time...

My humans only feed me wet food once a day, the other times I'm given these dry pellets to munch on.  They definitely are not as satisfying.  However, my idiot brother, Martin, has no problem eating anything.  I have even seen him eat paper and dirt.  He has no freaking standards when it comes to food.  Hell, I've seen that dummy eat celery. As my minion, he is worthless in this task.  He'd be happy if they put burnt cardboard in front of him.  It falls to me to get food out of my humans.

I have to get creative with reminding my humans when it is time to feed me.  My first option is to meow and follow them around, even try to trip them so they know I need something.  My father is a klutz and has stepped on me a couple of times when I do this.  To avoid being killed by him, I've had to adjust and come up with new tactics.  I find that if I get in their faces, meow, and beg for attention for long periods of time, they will eventually feed me to make me "go away".  Suckers.  They normally feed me at 1 in the afternoon.  If I work them enough, I get my food a little ahead of schedule.

Mom and dad like to play computer games, so I jump on the desk to to block the screen.  I park it right in front  of the screen.  I won't move until I get what I want.  This is usually followed up with how cute I look and what a silly cat I am.  This is kind of humiliating, since this means they don't take me seriously in these moments.  I want wet food!  If I can ever get these silly humans completely trained to feed me on time every day, I'll start working on getting them to give me more  again later in the day.  However, given my brother's lack of discipline when it comes to food, I must figure this out by myself.  *Sigh* I'm a mastermind with incompetent minions.  It's 12:15, I need to start clawing on daddy's leg until he gets the damn point.  Maybe I can get fed early today? Tonight, I will work on my master plan to get the delicious wet food twice a day.  Hopefully, my dumb brother, Marty, will leave me alone long enough to strategize... After my cat nap of course.

How it all started...

This is baby me

Hi everyone!  My name is Akina and I'm 5 years old.  Six weeks into my life, I was separated from my mother and put into a shelter with a couple of my siblings.  I was at the shelter for 2 weeks before a man came in and fell in love with me. This man, who later became my dad, focused only on petting me.  He spoke to me in a gentle voice, especially for being so big compared to little old me.  However, I did find him annoying since I had been mid-nap when he walked in.  He closed my cage, admired the other cats, and then left.  A few days later he came back with a female, and they took me to their home.  

My idiot brother Marty

Without my other siblings, I had been hoping to have the place to myself.  I was not so lucky. I was introduced to another cat and he was a bit bigger than I was.  Martin is his name but everyone called him Marty.  I had to stay in the bedroom for the first few day to get adjusted to my surroundings.  I had peace and quiet.  The humans fawned over me.  I also had a nice big bed all to myself.  However, after a couple weeks the humans insisted on introducing me to Martin.  We were put in the bathroom together a few times, and the humans sat there stupidly watching me and my new big brother.  Martin was a pain in my ass from the get go.  

Martin is really dumb.  He's a big guy with big teeth, but he has the brain capacity of a gerbil.  The first couple times we hung out he tried to chase me.  All I had to do was meow and cry before the humans intervened.  I thought for sure they'd be pissed enough to kick him out and I'd have the place to myself. No such luck.  A few of these instances occurred and each time I played the helpless victim.  I had hoped the humans would banish him from my new home but it didn't work out.  One morning Martin jumped on me.  Instead of attacking and sealing his fate, he licked me and started cleaning me.   Gross!  I can clean myself thank you very much, dear brother.  As violating as it was being licked by this other cat, the humans took this to be a sign of friendship and caring.  

Me, my father, Martin and that human female I didn't like so much lived together.  Most of the time I spent training my dumb older brother, and playing innocent with the humans. They thought he was the terror of the house, but they just didn't know he didn't do anything unless I told him.  After a couple years my father had the good sense to get rid of that human female. She was an overly emotional mess of a woman who invaded my personal space way too often.  She had no respect for how hard I had to work to keep my fur this soft and perfect. 

Life was alright for a while.  I was outnumbered by two men in the house, which wasn't pretty.  It was a stinky place.  Then one day, another human female started coming around.  She was clearly interested in my father, though let us be honest she could do much better. My father was as dense as Martin and didn't pick up on the fact that this new female liked him.  I did all I could to welcome her.  The new girl, Angela, was my kind of human.  She respected my space, didn't mess up my fur and was always on my side.  She was the most put together person of this little family, besides me of course.

After a while my father wised up to the idea of being with Angela and they got together.  It took him a while, and I think it helped that I was super nice to Angela, I'm never nice to anyone.  Angela is my mommy now.   She stays over a lot but doesn't live with us yet.  If she's as smart as I think she is, she's waiting for dad to get a new place and demand Martin get kicked out.  However, if that doesn't happen I'll be fine with Martin sticking around since he does all my dirty work.  I've kind of grown fond of manipulating my big brother.   

I have the humans wrapped around my finger, especially Daddy.  Mommy is too smart and has figured out I'm the brains of the operation but she still likes me.  Martin is my fall guy.   I have a pretty sweet life, a life of a princess some might say.  It's good to be me.